What Happend To Summer Whimsy?

I’ve just spent the last nine months of my life preparing for and then taking on SATs, AP tests and finals and in less than two months I will be looking at more of the same with the added bonus of college applications, scholarship essays and perhaps a part time job. Why then is the idea of spontaneous summer fun so displeasing to my mother?  I don’t love the idea of spending Saturdays at home during the school year, but I say little about it when it is necessary for me to study or get to bed at a reasonable hour for some ridiculous test that holds the weight of my future within its ridiculous bubbles; I do however absolutely detest doing nothing inside my home on a Saturday night. What a waste of a weekend.

The Power of Good Humor

So, as I completed my trig test last week I was shocked to find that my studying had actually paid off for once and I was able to get through most of the problems with relative ease, that is, until I reached a problem concerning the dot product which asked what the relationship between u and v is when u•v = |u||v|. After writing down the few random facts I knew about the equation I decided I could at least lose my points in a comedic manner and wrote down the following:

 

“u and v are in love and u is ready to take their relationship to the next level (living on the same plane), but v just isn’t ready to commit (she feels like there’s something between them).”

 

Upon getting my test back I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had received partial credit for the problem, and assumed that entertaining my Mr. Kellogg was apparently worth some pity points (though I was confused by the way he had circled the first set of parenthesis and written “Almost” over the second). It all became clear as I asked my neighbor for the correct answer to the problem and he explained that in the equation described u and v are parallel. v was right, there was something between them: space.

A Fond Farewell

Today we say good bye to a good friend and loving family member Chris(t) Knouse. A loving member of the Knousehold from the date of his inception into it: Chris(t) will certainly be missed. And though some would wish him to be still with us today we must understand that he is in a better place now, lest we end up with this.

 

 

A Few Words of Farewell – The Rosie Taylor Project

 

Gas on the Right, Brake on the Left

I had my first gas vs. brake moment today as I was pulling into the Fry’s shopping center in Oxnard. It was the first time my dad has ever had to grab the wheel (because I lost track of where that was going as I was reconciling my gas vs. brake dilemma), but it shook me up far less than I had expected it to, perhaps because it came with the realization that that was the first time I had had that issue and it was resolved relatively quickly or maybe it was the promise of free coffee.

50 Reasons To Be Emo

I was recently asked to help a friend of mine come up with reasons to be emo, and they came to me with surprising ease. Just thought I’d share. 

Because the sun will burn out one day

Because everyone will die some day

Because some people won’t die soon enough

Because Motion City Soundtrack is so darn catchy

Because everyone likes Ben Gibbard

Because emos created PureVolume.com

Because I’ll have acne until I have wrinkles

Because retainers are a pain in the…err teeth

Because school starts far too early in the morning

Because I look good in skinny jeans

Because I can’t, for the life of me, remember what the hell a Cavalier is

Because college is so darn expensive

Because the stress of finals is making me break out

Because there are people dying in Darfur

Because some people still think that a mullet is an attractive hair style

Because some of my favorite phrases are considered cliché

Because I feel small

Because I am awkward

Because I will probably head the itty bitty titty committee for many more years

Because I can never seem to get enough sleep

Because Paris Hilton exists

Because someone finds her attractive

Because I don’t have time to get my driver’s license

Because Arrested Development was canceled

Because Napoleon Dynamite was deemed a cult classic

Because The Lord of the Rings only tied with Titanic for academy awards

Because Titanic received any academy awards

Because the price of gas will only continue to go up

Because AIDS is running rampant in Africa

Because people are starving to death as I type

Because John Kerry supports Barack Obama

Because the number of ignorant people in the U.S. seems to be growing

Because the media pays so much attention to Britney Spears

Because Susan Sontag will always be a bitter woman

Because hormones suck

Because periods are a pants staining bummer

Because men will never know the pain of child birth 

Because learning through osmosis doesn’t work

Because I will never use 80% of the things I’m being tested on next week

Because I have poor time management skills

Because best friends forever is sometimes a lie

Because my iPod only holds 4 gigs

Because my printer is out of ink

Because chocolate makes people fat

Because we don’t live in a Walgreen’s commercial

Because second hand smoke affects people who aren’t necessarily doing anything wrong

Because some people are so adamantly against gay marriage that they have seen fit to make it illegal

Because spiders exist

Because dogs never have sweet smelling breath

Because converse go with everything 

Oh Math, You Slay Me.

So because of my general lack of actual homework, my need to accomplish something and my inability to study I have been forced to dig up my math book in an effort to finish my Pre-calculus study guide in a timely manner. In truth though, my motivation here is two fold, yes, achieving something will make me feel slightly less helpless in the face of my pressing finals, but I also happen to be clinging to a B- in that class harder than the 60+ year old women clung to the last of the Von’s turkeys last November twenty first. Oh, and as a bit of clarification when I said “dig up my math book” I actually meant “whip out my lap top and open up Google”, my advanced mathematics book is a waste of a tree… a very big tree. So, with a pointy pencil, a notebook and and Google by my side I began to trudge through my Pre-calculus study guide. All was going well for the first 12 or so problems (now that I’ve got basic algebra down, concept questions were easily answered using math sites like purplemath.com) and then I hit the “stretching and shrinking graphs” section. Unaffected at first by this concept which I had previously not understood (after all, I had just figured out general transformations using purplemath) I calmly typed my query into the search box and found the following:

“So the “left”, “right”, “up”, “down”, “flip”, and “mirror” transformations are fairly straightforward, but the “multiply” transformations, also called “stretching” and “squeezing”, can get a little messy. You should hope that they aren’t frequently required of you.”

What? Thanks a lot for the reassurances purplemath, good to know you believe in me and all that jazz.

If I Had A Myspace

This would totally be my default photo.

I Never Want To See Another Fucking Stick-Shift Ever Again.

Words I uttered to my father today after changing seats in the middle of an intersection because of my inability to get into first gear after three green lights.

Note To Self

A good friend will be bummed when you can’t meet them somwhere for pizza. A best friend will simply bring the pizza to your house.

Damn You Mr. Geib!

You’ve ruined School House Rock for me or at least the history section. Those once snappy tunes which seemed so insightful in fifth grade now leave me with the empty feeling of American prejudice, and when viewed in the mindset of the average AP History student, thirsting for juicy facts, important names, treaties, quotes and the lark, they become even more dissatisfying. While it is true that this mindset may not apply to other subjects covered by this once grand institution I now find it hard to trust them on any subject (My God, what really is the function of a conjunction? And is three truly a magic number? Can I trust zero when the going gets tough?). With this previously solid institution of learning now blown to bits I don’t know what I can trust in this world anymore.