I promised to post, and, well, I suppose I do have something to say, but it’s a little… angsty. I apologize.
So, this weekend was the MarMonte Speech League’s state qualifying tournament. I spent last week preparing for this so as to make up for last weekend’s bitter (and still somewhat contested) debate loss. But alas, said preparation seems to have been for not as not only did I not qualify, but two of the people who did argued that the voting day could not be changed because people would not feel as proud of themselves for voting on a Monday as they do when they vote on the traditional Tuesday. And, to add insult to injury, the debate winners are somewhat disappointed they made it because that might require that they miss prom.
I’m a little annoyed at my angst in all of this though. Yes, I like being told that I am a good speaker, but beyond that, I like knowing that I am a good person. The person I want to be would take this in better stride, as the Shins put it “A stronger girl would shake this off in flight, /And never give it more than a frowning hour, /But you have let your heart decide,/ Loss has conquered you”. And, since I’m feeling quotey today, I will also submit that Elizabeth Bishop was wrong: The art of losing is hard to master (and I can’t even claim the loss of two of my lovers). I suppose I’m just out of practice. I remember beaming at the sight of my two finalist medals as a freshman. This year’s set only seem to serve as a reminder that I didn’t win.
Hillary, I don’t think being pissed that you didn’t make it to state means you aren’t a good person (if that were the case, my experience last year would mean I am in trouble!). In fact, I am pretty sure the recognition that you need to improve is a sign of being a good person.
I do share your regret that a simple medal no longer provides the same satisfaction it once did. Perhaps we should remember why we do things: not to win, but to have fun.